Diet Coke Break(down)

First World Problem, White Girl Problem, White Whine, etc. 

Call it what you want, but I have a serious workplace grievance.  It's about our vending machine and I'm pretty upset about it.

We have the absolute worst vending machine ever. It pretty much fits in with the rest of the technology, furniture, decor and practices at my office. Outdated at best. Half the time broken, always old and sad. the woman who owns the vending company used to date someone here and that's how she got the gig. (yay nepotism) that person hasn't worked here in 5 years, but whatev she's horrible.


see how everything is a lovely shade of old & putty?

i hate it

Even though employees here want chocolate in the machine, she refuses to stock it because it gets hot outside. Every other time you try and buy something, it gets stuck. When the item does come down, it's expired.

But the real reason for this ridiculous post is this, dear readers:

I mean, come on.

What kind of crap-ass selection is this?  Who drinks regular coke?  No one.  Mountain Dew? Even less people.  And don't even get me started on the Gatorade.  At first there was one Gatorade and I was like, well that's odd, who would buy Gatorade?  Then they took out Dr Pepper and replaced it with another Gatorade and my mind was blown. Blown I tell you.  Who the shit drinks gatorade besides high school boys or someone with the stomach flu?  No one I tell you.

Initially, there was Coke, Diet Coke, Dr Pepper, Purple Gatorade, Diet Pepsi, and water (random...vending machine is literally directly next to the water cooler thingy). Pretty good assortment I think. What went wrong you ask?  Dear reader, I have no idea.  Bit by bit the good stuff was replaced with this crap and now this is the final result. 

I don't think i want to live in a world that doesn't consider Diet Coke a workday staple. It's zero calorie fizzy goodness is just enough to keep me coming here everyday. Clearly, now I have no reason to come into the office.

Why did I just devote 30 precious minutes to publicaly ranting about the vending machine options? I have no idea. 

Too lame for Facebook

time for another installment of Too Lame for Facebook.

Just realized I'm wearing two different earrings. This is what happens when you own far too many pairs of silver hoops...and you get ready at the gym.

Too lame for facebook

Is anyone else totally terrified to stand too close to the microwave when one if those veggie steamers is cooking?  I swear its going to explode one of these times. 
Also I've decided that when it does i'm just buying a new microwave. Not worth the cleanup.

Have you seen me?

why do i continue to hold onto this earring for 4 months after i lost its friend (see how i said friend here? because mate is a creepy word...like lover. or panties)? i just keep holding out hope that one of my children will wander out of his room carrying the missing one and all will be right again. Or that I'll retrieve my car from the car wash to see it sitting on my seat after being found under a pile of goldfish crackers. I understand it's unlikely.

i feel like this because i love these simple earrings. AND because i looked for my missing library card for 3 weeks before giving in and getting a new one only to open a book jeff checked out to find it being used as a sort of bookmark. dammit.

so maybe my missing earring will resurface if i pretend to give up and throw this one away. do you hear that missing guy? giving up. throwing your friend away. (pretty please come back to me)

too lame, or gross, for facebook

sometimes there are things I really want to post on facebook but understand that the gross, boring, tedius or all of the above statements may not appeal to all of my friends. I guess that's what my blog is for. so here are my random thoughts today that I didnt post on fb...and keep in mind i'll post nearly anything on fb.

i think noah's bowells get moving when he's in the bath. maybe it's the warm water on his belly or maybe it's simply spite that the minute I have him clean he poops. literally, I get him out of the tub, dry him off and immediatly strap a fresh diaper on him and...bomb.

i read someone's post today that their 4 year old kid changes the diaper of their baby. maybe i'm doing this parenting thing wrong but connor only wipes his own ass about 50%...why on earth would i let him handle someone else's business?? perhaps i'm just not utilizing my resources sufficiently like this other mom seems to.

speaking of utilizing resources, I seriously cannot wait until my kids can do serious, back-breaking labor. This place needs a good scrubbing.

all my friends are having babies within like a few weeks of each other. The bestie had hers Thursday and our close friends are at the hospital as I type this. I know for many, being around babies really makes their ovaries ache but it just really re-affirms our decision to have two. not like I have a choice since the dr said no more babies for me but the decision to tie my tubes was a good one for us. I love their babies and love holding them and smelling them but I just can't do it all over again. I think the illness we've dealt with this past year has really taken it out of me cause I cannot do this baby thing over!

stay tuned. i have lots of posting to do to get caught up!

Too lame for facebook

1. Connor calls mcdonalds "old mcdonalds" and i think that's hilarious.

2. I got my hair cut a couple weeks ago. it's really short - for me atleast. i think the curly in my hair likes it this length because it really behaves...

(yes, I took this photo in my car, but I was stopped so chill on the judgement :)

Too lame for facebook

Today I'm wearing my glasses because I really need to change out my contacts but I was just too tired to get the new contact out of the itty bitty vial this morning so I didn't. How do people wear glasses all the time? I swear I clean mine hourly and they are still smudgy and annoying.

Too lame for facebook - a letter

Dear person who is seriously trying to have everyone believe they are no longer smoking by covering it up with way, way, way too much perfume,

give it up. thanks.

signed,

unable to breathe over here.

Too lame for facebook

When I was pregnant I tried to be better about eating. Not eating better, just better about eating. I get busy and I totally forget to eat. Not good I know, but really not good when you're supposed to be sustaining a life, right?

So I brought a bunch of easy stuff to the office so that I didn't have an excuse. I brought in a ton of those Quaker instant oatmeal packets - Apples & Cinnamon, Maple & Brown Sugar and plain.

Today I was completely disappointed to find that I'd finally scavaged for all the green and brown packets and was only left with blue, the plain. Not excited for breakfast today folks.

Too lame for facebook

Sometimes there are things I want to put out there into the internet world that are just way, way too lame for even a facebook status. Forget about putting it on twitter because about 99% of my friends on there use their twitter for real, work related tweets and they def dont want to hear about something far too silly that even facebook can handle.

I've decided that this blog can be my outlet for those dumb, ridiculous thoughts that no one wants to see in their FB news feed. So 'too lame for facebook' begins. Whenever you see that title, feel free to skip over it completely and find something more engaging to read. It will help you avoid reading something and then thinking, well she warned me...it will also satisfy my insane need to post something utterly unimportant.

kthanksbye.