So, 3 weeks ago when I wrote this I wasn't dreading todays appointment. Even two weeks ago, I was looking forward to my last (hopefully) ultrasound. But, since then I've talked to a few people way more educated on medicine than I am and now I'm a bit concerned. By a bit I should clarify and say that I'm nearing scared right now. A sedative could be helpful actually.
I think that when you're told that there's even a possibility of something being wrong or up with something health related, especially the health of your child, your internet access should immediately be taken away. Immediately. You shouldn't be allowed to google "too much amniotic fluid" or "polyhydramnios". Mind you...neither of these terms were told to me by my actual doctor, but a pediatrician/close friend mentioned that my uterus may be measuring so far ahead because I have excess amnio fluid and that maybe Noah isn't able to swallow and process it like he should be doing. My BFF, a labor & delivery nurse confirmed that she'd be concerned with the same thing and so now i'm nearly convinced that's what is going on. Crazy town. I haven't even talked to anyone about how concerned I am. Jeff kinda, but my concern immediately conveys into downright panic in him so I'm trying to play it cool for the sake of all involved.
My appointment is today at 2:30 and time just isn't really passing quickly enough. I'm really hoping that if he was having swallowing issues or even kidney issues it would have been seen in the super in-depth level two ultrasounds that were done at 18 and 24 weeks. They looked at each and every organ for so long the ultrasound became painful. That's what I'm concentrating on...that if something were wrong with his kidney function that they would have seen something during one of those long ultrasounds.
I think in the back of my head I keep thinking, everything will be fine. It's probably based on human error or even the subjectivity of measuring my uterus from the outside and comparing it to Noah's ultrasound measurement a few weeks earlier. That's what I keep trying to focus on, but then there's this nagging, horrible, negative thought in my head saying that something could be wrong and that I should take a moment to prepare myself for that. I'm really hoping that my doctor will be able to put our minds at ease immediately following the ultrasound today and that we won't have to wait until another appointment.
So that's my ranting for the day. I'm scared and time isn't going fast enough today. That's pretty much it. And I lost a contact in the shower this morning so i'm wearing my glasses which has thrown me off my A-game.
6 1/2 hours and counting...Thanks for listening :)